tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-59918503920015162772024-02-08T09:26:23.037-08:00ComedyAll my jokes from my personal experience. I am a fan of only the best comics and hopefully these influences can be seen in my work. Robert Hurley Jrhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00516567210014317810noreply@blogger.comBlogger10125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5991850392001516277.post-74463428647087306242016-12-28T20:06:00.001-08:002016-12-28T20:06:31.149-08:00Comedy<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18.18px;"><b>Part 2</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18.18px;"><b>jimbo's is the comedy club Scott talked about</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18.18px;"><b>Rafferty's Pub i performed once</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18.18px;">A pneumonic for remembering the alphabet: And Bill Clinton Dates Every Foolish Girl He Intelligently Jostles Keeping Loving Mistresses Needing Optimal Professional Quality Relaxation Services. The Ugly Veneral Warts Excite Young Zionists. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18.18px;">I'm preventing autism by eating whole foods, gluten free smartfood. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18.18px;">Stopped going to a physician since everytime felt Like I was being molested. He was jewish with this pedophile mustache. </span><br />
groceries caused the seat belt light to come on. DUmb car. <br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18.18px;">I examine my conscience for humor</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18.18px;">stayed up all night watching porn and was tired for Christmas</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18.18px;">HR Michael told workers who were doing nothing that they were good, they were out of the way and to stay back there. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18.18px;">dressing sharp for a funeral.</span>
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18.18px;">April 12, 2013<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18.18px;">Clones, one high level worker in your company could be cloned and fire everyone else. The clones will communicate. One pete will already be closing the retail store during opening shift. The other one selling credit cards at the front desk. the clones could run the store.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18.18px;">or impressions. imitate the boss over the walkie and have everyone up to his level slaving away, stacking pallets answering, fake security calls. The boss is so serious about the company brand. If someone was killed he would have someone dig the bodies and put location labels on the trees to increase location accuracy. making labels in the woods as pete digs bodies. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18.18px;">one guy went in front of a store and used his own walkie to jerk the lod to walk around the store for fake calls.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18.18px;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18.18px;">pete spinning the wheels getting ready to take the next cart.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18.18px;">4<sup>th</sup> grade halloween. dirt bike gloves, horn, devil costume. matt’s father, “no, we’re not going back to get your pitchfork”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18.18px;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18.18px;">April 13, 2013<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18.18px;">Target “proudly sponsors” kid’s reading event. “proudly sponsors”, what does Walmart regretfully sponsor it. Walmart doesn’t want kids to read, they want them to work for Walmart.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18.18px;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18.18px;">CNBC at Burger King. good brand<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18.18px;">May 1, 2013<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18.18px;">Why is porn obsessed with the number 30? “XXX”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18.18px;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18.18px;">May 6, 2013<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18.18px;">Staff is a word that makes anything sound less important. even for engineers. if you say to an engineer “are you part of the engineer staff where you work” you can take the wind out of their sails. if you don't mention the company they work at but just say to some white collar asshole when they are bragging about their work, “oh so you are part of the accounting staff or the engineer staff’ haha you can be equal to them no matter what your career is haha.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18.18px;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18.18px;"><b>Part 2</b></span> <span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18.18px;">May 17, 2013<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18.18px;">You know someone is unfriendly when you answer your own greeting. or when a douche doesn't respond well to you complimenting them. story of Rob running labor day race. asshole. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18.18px;">i went up to a sales associate at ocean state job lot<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18.18px;">Hows it going?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18.18px;">Not much<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18.18px;">my answer doesn’t even make sense to the question, but this prick just stared at me my only reaction was to unconsciously answer my own question.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18.18px;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18.18px;">May 20, 2013<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18.18px;">When tired at Roche Bros<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18.18px;">they ask paper or plastic<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18.18px;">I say Paper<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18.18px;">then with a long pause i say or plastic doesn’t really matter<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18.18px;">haha<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18.18px;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18.18px;">May 20, 2013<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18.18px;">This white organic meat has a ridiculous cook time of 30 minutes in the oven<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18.18px;">those high farrogant pricks don’t even list a microwave time<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18.18px;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18.18px;">May 20, 2013<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18.18px;">Here's a movie scene; go ahead make the movie, do the labor, and give me the copyright: <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18.18px;">cat lady’s cat scared of trash truck going by<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18.18px;">she yells at them to stop.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18.18px;">He stops truck. partner drops barrel and yells at him. people coming out with suits ready to go to work scream at him to move his truck and pick up their trash..<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18.18px;">the driver says, “you heard the lady, she told me to stop, the truck scares her cat”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18.18px;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18.18px;">My other idea is very original. Someone will swim deeply into the ocean at nighttime with dminor playing. He will hop in a boat, steal and hop out. I will call it Jaws 6</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18.18px;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18.18px;">Scottish men probably go in the wrong bathroom often. They see the picture with the kilt on it and walk in. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18.18px;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18.18px;">May 20, 2013<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18.18px;">Cat sitting on important paper whenever you want to work on something<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18.18px;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18.18px;">Holding doors is equated with sainthood<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18.18px;">it could be a guy holding open the door with one hand and the other hand holding a blood soaked knife from his morning murder. But people would say<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18.18px;">he was a good guy he always held the door open<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18.18px;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18.18px;">This town is great, it’s peaceful, it’s the center of industry. Well, why isn’t it the state’s capital city. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18.18px;">It’s a grim task for fire fighters cleaning up the casualties from a fire<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18.18px;">are they sure there isn’t a funny fireman cracking jokes, hey jack another body!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18.18px;">May 27, 2013<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18.18px;">Conversation to someone (sister) when forced to go to a (relative’s) party<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18.18px;">1.<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18.18px;">I don’t wanna go to a party if I am penalized for not going. 2. I have nothing for 2.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18.18px;">or 1. It’s not pleasant to go somewhere if I will be punished for not going. 2. I have nothing for 2.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18.18px;">Happy birthday. And to think right now someone in the world (in Russia) is being raped and tortured.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18.18px;">or Happy birthday. On your birthday someone just got aids (in Africa) somewhere in the world.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18.18px;">Happy Birthday. What a great day. Someone is being murdered in Chile (anywhere) as we speak.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18.18px;">The R-word is not offensive unless you say the insult or joke to a retarded person.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18.18px;">This Guy at work doesn’t like the band Chicago. They weren’t good in their prime, with all the saxophones, and trumpets. Who do you listen to ? Led Zepelin is at their peak. Hendrix is selling out stadiums playing the national anthem on his guitar. And what do you listen to. <i>Chicago.<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18.18px;">Imagine the officer comes knocking on his door late at night. “Sir, it is tough for me to say this, so I will just tell you. Your daughter was at a party. And we tried everything we could. But unfortunately she was found <i>listening to Chicago</i>.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18.18px;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18.18px;">Same guy. Who do you have to blow around here to get more hours. I’d like to make a drink for the bosses. I’d put arsenic in it as he storms out.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18.18px;">Another guy repeats these words yelling the line “who do you have to blow around here to get more hours” right as a manager walks by. He must bless himself before he enters the area, “im prepared for whatever happens when i enter this room, i hear no evil, i see no evil.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18.18px;">July 27, 2013<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18.18px;">In horror scenes they always grab a baseball bat. Now is not the time for baseball.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18.18px;">My family doesn’t like that I drink Mountain Dew. they call it “weasel piss”. So when I drink it i hide it. Sometimes they see it but i hope they won’t know its mountain dew even though it says mountain dew on the bottle. You see I get the non-green flavors; red and blue.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18.18px;">comedy<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18.18px;">i go to church for material.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18.18px;">but i think of god thoughts not human thoughts.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18.18px;">how can god love these people. look at them. this kid has droopy eyes with an I don’t give a fuck attitude.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18.18px;">i try to focus on the sermon but can’t help but think the guy in front of me looks like Larry David.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18.18px;">the sermon is over i know Larry David likes it as he enthusiastically kneels.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18.18px;">August 16, 2013<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18.18px;">Apparently Caroyln and I left too early through the door. Setting the alarm off for the entire store. girls wanted to cry or hide they were so scared. Robin pissed. As Caryolyn lectured me about being new even though she was new. We didn’t care, we screeched our tires and heading out.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18.18px;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="line-height: 18.18px;">I got expired license out of trash at the town highschool. I was a middleschooler at the time. I brought it home and spread a sense of panic to neighbors that someone lost their license. One mother called the person, the cops, the regristry of missing persons. My highschool sister got the person's name and was prepared to inform them the next school day. As my family went to bed my mom noticed the license was expired. I said yeah, I got it out of the trash. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="line-height: 18.18px;"><br /></span></span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="line-height: 18.18px;">Guy and I talked about smashing Chicago cds. Refusing to rescue a drowned swimmer if they like the band Chicago. he would actually push them back into the water. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="line-height: 18.18px;"><br /></span></span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="line-height: 18.18px;">I don't have a GPS so I get lost. I got my new Avia shoes. The same The Nightstalker had. I take the wrong road but see a shortcut to Myles Standish. I take a shortcut through a cranberry bog. But this was not a thru way. so now I am driving illegally around a cranberry bog. my old car ain't meant for this. it's narrow on the edge of the muddy bog. brush to the right of me, cranberries to the left of me. here I am stuck on an illegal dirt road with you. Perhaps the cops won't judge me today with the government being shut down. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="line-height: 18.18px;">Bubonic plague in my pants</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="line-height: 18.18px;">i knock over desks as the teacher goes on about social studies</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="line-height: 18.18px;">the hot girls pick me up.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="line-height: 18.18px;">go on with the lecture i am having some social studies of my own</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="line-height: 18.18px;">i have a masseuse during the class</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="line-height: 18.18px;">teacher "then the bubonic plague struck . . " </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="line-height: 18.18px;">there's a bubonic plague in my pants, a little bit more on the back thanks</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="line-height: 18.18px;">go on with the middle ages </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="line-height: 18.18000030517578px;">February 1st, 2014</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="line-height: 18.18000030517578px;">I walked on the jetty at plymouth harbor. I came to a rock that said a couple had been engaged there. this rock was way down the path. Did the women say, what did you want to talk about chad. well let's get through this. A list of all your relatives I can't stand how are we going to deal with each of them. After they finally finish. She asks are you going to propose now. Just as long as you get a hit on your aunt and the deal is on. Then I was stranded way down the end of the jetty lonely. Just when I come up to people to have some human interaction they turn and run like I am the swamp monster. I felt like a killer zombie slowly walking after them. I get to the parking lot and kids are doing wheelies and j hops. They do jumps of a boat dock. Some douchy old guy tells them to stop. I ride over and give them a thumbs up. I blare my REM tape as I exit the scene. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="line-height: 18.18000030517578px;">February 7th, 2014</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="line-height: 18.18000030517578px;">I've been pulled over once. Or should I say I stopped for the cops once. I felt since it was infront of my elementary school I ought to give respect to the authorities. You really can't drive late at night. Or do anything at night. Like sledding at a park at dusk, when it closes. I ran up the hill knowing the hill was lit by the moon. I rocketed down the hill, scraped my back. ran into the car and sped off in the wrong direction home. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="line-height: 18.18000030517578px;">February 15th, 2014</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="line-height: 18.18000030517578px;">Sitcom. A guy who keeps buying scratch tickets for a gift for a relative. He scratches each ticket before he wraps it up. He keeps winning. He finally loses and wraps it up. He gives it to Scud and says, "I went to the trouble of scratching it for you, you didn't win." </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="line-height: 18.18000030517578px;">March 18, 2014</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="line-height: 18.18000030517578px;">My hearing is so loud the convection oven is dominating me. I can't go camping. I hear all the animals. I hear a wolf eating a coyote. My dad doesn't hear anything, he just snores. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="line-height: 18.18000030517578px;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="line-height: 18.18000030517578px;">In 4th grade the teacher asked us to write a palindrome. I went up to the chalk board and wrote, "Go hang a salami! I'm a lasagna hog" . In utter astonishment the class sat. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="line-height: 18.18000030517578px;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="line-height: 18.18000030517578px;">July 12 th, 2014</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="line-height: 18.18000030517578px;">Dad sent video tapes to thrift shop in Stoughton. I went there and everything had been destroyed. I bought some things to alleviate my pain. the double smashing pumpkins cd i bought had only one cd. to alleviate my suffering i hiked in 95 degree heat. then i went to the ocean to watch another's surf board float out to see. Seeing others lose their goods felt therapeutic. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="line-height: 18.18000030517578px;">July 17, 2014</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="line-height: 18.18000030517578px;">When a marriage ends in divorce, shouldn't everyone that gave a wedding gift get the monetary value of their present back. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="line-height: 18.18000030517578px;">July 23, 2014</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="line-height: 18.18000030517578px;">People need to get outta of the way when i am driving. i have a two ton death machine. you think by shaming me with jestures it's going to spare your fucking life. Wait for me to go by and take your chances with the next asshole behind the wheel. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="line-height: 18.18000030517578px;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="line-height: 18.18000030517578px;">story i told team member little dan in breakroom. dyslexic dan. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="line-height: 18.18000030517578px;">won food the victors of war by charging up Hagan Hall with a pool stick during the ice storm</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="line-height: 18.18000030517578px;">July 30, 2014</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="line-height: 18.18000030517578px;">jacked off to miranda kerr but it wasn't her ass it was orlando bloom's</span></span>
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Robert Hurley Jrhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00516567210014317810noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5991850392001516277.post-81495022266232687502016-10-01T19:01:00.001-07:002016-10-01T19:01:28.017-07:00Comedy Routine A Life Gone Astray (part 1)<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="344" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/xQRzIrZj5AU" width="459"></iframe>updatedRobert Hurley Jrhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00516567210014317810noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5991850392001516277.post-72639045467339243092013-10-15T17:55:00.002-07:002014-03-04T14:27:00.973-08:00Comedy (Siphoning Gas)<a href="https://plus.google.com/117695012611537851530? rel=author"> Google </a>
Part 1 of my newest routine. This is not a script but an outline or explanation of what I said. If you want just watch the video.<br />
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SAT words, hitting people, excuse me.<br />
We were told to integrate SAT words into our vocabulary. 7 years after the test I am starting this. At work I went up to the bosses and said " this item was placed very precariously."<br />
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these damn runners take up the lanes in narrow, curvy two lane streets. I can't go across and hit oncoming cars. You hope these pricks go off to the side of the road for a second. So i stay in my lane and prepare for the worst. Haven't hit someone yet. But if squirells are stupid enough to get hit when they venture on the road, why can't these athletic assholes learn the same hard lesson.<br />
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When people say excuse me they don't mean excuse me (said nicely and apolegetic). what they mean at best is this sarcastic "so sorry to have bothered you" and at usual they mean "excuse me" (said rudely) as in get the fuck out of my way. I am in the frozen section of a store and i pin myself in, I am pressed against the wall, people are picking me out of the coolers instead of the digiornios pizza since i am so out of the way. And this women barrels through with her cart and rudely says "excuse me"<br />
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You never see Carollas or Priuses speeding. They are always blocking your path, poking along. You have to go somewhere, they have to stop you from getting there.<br />
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Women are nice right away. One of the few things good from the start. But unlike most things that get better, women will be worse to you over time.<br />
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The point of cleaning is to pretend there never was a mess. That way you can lie to others and not get nagged.<br />
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">answer to heckler (he /she is the reason why)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">In Diluth, Minnesota, may of 2008 a man drove over a dog killing it instantly. He had damage to his car and had to take a day off of work. So he sued the owners for $1,000. the poor creature, I am so sorry, WHAT HAPPENED TO MY HOOD. great now I got to miss a day of work and go to court. let me grab my new coat made of dog fur and meet in you court. my kind of guy. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="line-height: 18.18181800842285px;">3 Juveniles dig up a corpse in Texas in May 2008 to smoke a bong of Marijuana. When the cop came to their house to question him he threw up. The effort to get a good hit. legalize it recreationally. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="line-height: 18.18181800842285px;">we always bump into each other. why can't we agree on the rules of the road? everyone on the right side. Instead you always have to do the fake move like you are going one way and then you box the other person out. and race around them. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">After hurricane Sandy People are stealing gas. Avoid dealing with gas stations price gauging. Siphon gas. But leave just enough so your victim can drive back to the gas station for more. Or go full Grand Theft Auto and just steal the car after they fill up. Neighbor going away. Tip over their car and siphon every last drop of gasoline. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Someone Who isn’t me, stole from Dunkin Donuts
recently. The cashier didn’t ring up
everything i ordered. So i said what about my donut so she grabbed it and gave
it to me but failed to charge me for it. I was already gone by the time she
realized it. Everything evens out, Lord knows, Shaws frequently rips me
off. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">The witch at Citizens bank wouldn’t let me withdraw
money from my account. I asked how come I can deposit money into the account
without any problem. She said anyone could deposit into my account, i could
have deposited money into your account.” “well why didn’t you? (said subdued). <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">March 19, 2013<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">In appropriate yelling. Yelling about good things
can weird people out. Next time you rear end someone. Get out of the car and say WHY
WERE YOU DRIVING AT THE SPEED LIMIT? WHY DID YOU STOP AT THE STOP SIGN. WHY WAS
I DRIVING TOO FAST. YOU ARE A GOOD DRIVER THIS WAS ALL MY FAULT. YOU DESERVE ALL
THE MONEY. I WILL GIVE IT TO YOU <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">next snow storm i will yell at the snow plow guys.
WHY DID YOU PLOW THE PARKING LOT SO WE CAN ALL PARK HERE? WHY DID YOU DO IT FOR
FREE? I CAN’T BELIEVE I NOW HAVE TO WALK TO THE STORE WITHOUT WALKING THROUGH A
FOOT OF SNOW. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>Robert Hurley Jrhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00516567210014317810noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5991850392001516277.post-85912419270879511312012-12-03T18:21:00.003-08:002014-04-09T19:45:33.266-07:00Comedy Show Episode 4The final show of the <i>A Life Gone Astray </i>series. Take humor in the travesties of my life-gone-astray.<br />
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<br />Robert Hurley Jrhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00516567210014317810noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5991850392001516277.post-25550785537077480032012-12-03T18:11:00.003-08:002014-04-09T19:46:49.791-07:00Comedy Show Episode 3<div style="text-align: left;">
This is a foolishly wacky video. I cross the line with ordinary situations; pure wackiness and wickedness results. The foolish cat deprives me of a decent reputation with the neighbors once again. The pictures have no correlation with the video.<br />
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Robert Hurley Jrhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00516567210014317810noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5991850392001516277.post-57759047295990137202012-12-03T18:00:00.005-08:002014-04-09T19:47:57.546-07:00Comedy Show Episode 2This is the second video on location. This time I spontaneously drove not knowing where I would end up. I drove over 100 mph at times. I had a $100 and I tried to get lost. I ended up in Yarmouth, MA. I noticed how businesses and car dealerships are on the edge of the road. The road takes you through an airport where planes fly over head. I discovered an entrance to a beautiful beach which I pictured. The video description explains the rest. I spent the whole night finding the original live audio before producing this video. I slept in my car the next day between work shifts.<br />
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<br />Robert Hurley Jrhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00516567210014317810noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5991850392001516277.post-40446794100191133202012-12-03T17:31:00.000-08:002014-04-09T19:48:31.192-07:00Comedy Show Episode 1<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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This is the first video of a series I entitled <i>A Life Gone Astray. </i>I angrily discuss facebook birthdays. I pleasantly describe the feline cat militia spreading across the country. I recount how dentists torture patients. I express disappointment in answering the land phone. And I explain how Matt Epstein is the king of all pranksters.Robert Hurley Jrhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00516567210014317810noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5991850392001516277.post-55039069059693339872012-12-03T17:16:00.003-08:002014-04-10T15:49:23.209-07:00Comedy Writer - Dumb Daryl's DelusionsThis is the third comedy routine I developed. Daryl is a fictional person that brings a nice alliteration to the title. He is very deluded. And he makes funny observations with a strong attitude towards subjects such as family, skiing, slacking off, college, living vicariously through others on facebook, marathons, cheating, and sneaking food.<br />
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<br />Robert Hurley Jrhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00516567210014317810noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5991850392001516277.post-17374334112984207412012-09-19T11:53:00.002-07:002014-04-08T18:54:26.997-07:00Relax<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><b>The Ramblings of Rambunctious Ralph</b></span><br />
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I made this second comedy video in the midst of a giant snow storm. I was looking for a fun way to spend the day. The video needs to be experienced rather than simply heard. I talk about my unique experiences at outlet malls, my trip in Florida with events no one would expect, and some hilarious pranks my friends and I pulled. Other surprises as well.<br />
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Ralph is a fictional character I became. He is quite rambunctious and has a lot to say!Robert Hurley Jrhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00516567210014317810noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5991850392001516277.post-28190192665002413712012-09-18T10:36:00.000-07:002014-04-08T18:07:27.754-07:00My comedyBelieve it or not, I do more than write about computers and music. As pretentious as it sounds I have tried some comedy as well. Here is my attempt at comedy: Well if you can't laugh at the video you can at least laugh at the effort I went into creating these original pieces. My life is a giant joke. (one that is not so funny to me at this time).<br />
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The first video is my <i>debut, </i>I tell stories about being in the woods and coming across pant-less homeless guys with dogs, my night gone wrong in Worcester, MA and a bit about how guys should be babysitters. Among other things. enjoy.<br />
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The second video I created I will cover in the next postRobert Hurley Jrhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00516567210014317810noreply@blogger.com0